One interesting thing I have noticed since I began writing my book is that when I first tackle a really sad event it will be extremely painful to write. I will be in floods of tears by the end of it and then I cannot bear to look at it again for days. This makes it difficult to write it well in draft one and I just do my best. I had almost decided that it was too painful to continue, I also believe that if something is painful to write it will be equally painful to read. Then some days later when I came to re-read and edit it I find that I can read it and edit it at length without any tears, or unpleasant negative emotions and with complete detachment and objectivity. At this point I can even go into far greater detail without further distress.
Another new therapy I am trying is colour therapy, it involves wearing and being surrounded by bright vibrant colours, to which we know the brain responds positively. All the time I was studying and then doing research, I had to dress suitably for a scientist, which involves wearing sober colours and conservative styles. I do not have time for shopping trips so I buy most of my clothes online. The colours on the website however, can be very different from the reality. Dark blue can actually be a lurid purple and browns often turn out to be red so as I cannot afford expensive mistakes, black was usually the safest choice.
As this is not the real me, I found being permanently dressed for a funeral quite depressing.I had to force myself into that rather uncomfortable mould and now I am breaking out. As a scientist I had to show good judgement, by dressing sensibly for that role, but as a writer I am allowed to be flamboyant, it is almost expected if not compulsory. Thus I have ordered myself a fake-fur-fluffy, multi-coloured hooded, ¾ length, rainbow striped coat, which will make me look like a multi-coloured duckling. I am going to call it Orville and find somebody to teach us to fly. I expect I will look extremely silly as a 64 year old duckling BUT I don’t care. The fashion police are not allowed on Sheppey, (my writer's hideaway) and according to something I read once there is a potential for an ugly duckling to turn into a beautiful swan. We will see!